Our Partner and Our ED

I faced some erectile dysfunction challenges several years ago. I’m not a counselor or therapist and can offer no professional advice on what to do when one’s own ED messes with their mind. But I can tell you, with personal experience, that it does!

In my previous post, I talked about all the emotions I went through, and I suspect are common to man. In this post, I want to talk about our partner and what they may be feeling. I created this list based, not only on my own experience but also what I witnessed when meeting with men and their partners as I showed them the vacuum therapy system and the VenoSeal.

Some of what I noted in those moments are, notably, my own assumptions or perceptions.

The partner of a man with erectile dysfunction (ED) may experience a range of emotions and reactions. It’s important to note that individual experiences vary, and not everyone will feel the same way. Here are some common emotions and thoughts that a partner might experience:

1. Concern: The partner may be genuinely concerned about the man’s well-being and health. Erectile dysfunction can sometimes be a sign of an underlying medical condition, so the partner might worry about the overall health of their loved one.
2. Confusion: Understanding the causes and implications of erectile dysfunction can be confusing. The partner may wonder whether they are somehow responsible or if there’s something they could be doing differently.
3. Frustration: If the couple’s sexual intimacy is affected, the partner might feel frustrated or disappointed. This frustration can stem from a desire for physical intimacy and a sense of closeness that may be impacted by the challenges of ED.
4. Self-Blame: Some partners may erroneously blame themselves for the man’s condition, thinking that they are not attractive enough or that they are doing something wrong in the relationship.
5. Fear of Rejection: Partners may worry that the man’s ED could lead to a loss of intimacy or a decline in the emotional connection. There might be a fear of rejection if the man is avoiding or hesitant about sexual activity.
6. Empathy: Many partners will likely feel empathy for the man and the difficulties he may be facing. They may want to be supportive and understanding, recognizing that ED can be emotionally challenging for the person experiencing it.
7. Communication Challenges: Discussing the issue openly can be challenging for both partners. There might be fear of hurting feelings, making the situation worse, or simply not knowing how to approach the topic.

I can see that my partner experienced all seven of the above feelings and emotions. Do you know how I know? Because we talked about it! It would have been easy to pretend that it wasn’t really a big deal, but it was a big deal. She wondered if I still found her attractive (I did!) or if I was involved with someone else (I wasn’t!) But if we didn’t talk about it, assumptions could have ruled our lives.

I think it’s in those moments when we must decide if it’s worth being honest and open about it. Is it possible that ED could bring two people closer together?

I think it’s crucial for couples facing erectile dysfunction to communicate openly. It’s also important that both create a space where vulnerability is safe. And seek professional advice if necessary. Work together to find solutions that promote emotional and physical well-being for both of you.

Seeking the guidance of a healthcare professional or a sex therapist can also be beneficial in addressing both the physical and emotional aspects of erectile dysfunction within a relationship.

When we say that you are not alone in this, we mean it. And if you are in a relationship, then you are really not alone. You both stand to gain by being open about what is happening and then communicate about what steps you are taking to move forward.