Erectile Dysfunction: My Own Story

I’m not a doctor; I am not a therapist. I’m just a 58-year-old man who has not always has perfect erectile function. Anything I say here is not meant to be medical advice. I can only tell my own story and let you decide what you want to do. Fair?

My erectile function happened about 7 years ago, just before I started working in a company that focuses, primarily, on men’s sexual health.  I was healthy (or so I thought) and the inability to maintain an erection just seemed to come out of nowhere. When it happened, though, it forced itself to the forefront of pretty much my every other thought.

“Why is this happening to me? Of all people?! I love being sexual!” But it did and I needed to understand why and, more importantly, how. What was happening within my body and mind that would allow me to get an erection but somehow not be able to keep it when I really wanted to?

After about four months of uncertainty, I finally made an appointment with my doctor. I was brave enough to be honest about it with her about why I came in. She asked me about my lifestyle first (smoking/alcohol/exercise/diet).

“No” to the smoking question. Lied on the alcohol question, she saw right through that one. Exercise had crept into the non-existent realm and my diet was pretty haphazard but not as healthy as it once was.

To her credit, she didn’t offer an immediate solution. Instead, she said, “Let’s run some tests.”

The tests came back and revealed some things that demonstrated that I was moving in the wrong direction with my overall health. I was in the pre-diabetic range, anemic, crazy high blood pressure and resting heart rate and low testosterone levels. Overall, I had become, pretty much, a physical mess.

In some ways, I am grateful for that time of ED. It was calling me to pay attention to other decisions I was making and forced a dramatic change in my overall lifestyle. So why did I wait as long as I did to seek help?

Men may avoid talking about their erectile dysfunction (ED) for a variety of reasons. We are all different, but here’s what I went through:

1. Stigma and Embarrassment: There is often a societal stigma associated with sexual health issues, including ED. Men may feel embarrassed or emasculated, fearing judgment or negative reactions from others.
2. Cultural and Social Expectations: Societal expectations around masculinity can contribute to the reluctance to discuss ED. Some men may feel pressured to conform to traditional notions of male virility and may see ED as a threat to their self-image.
3. Fear of Relationship Strain: Men may worry that discussing ED could strain their relationships. They might fear that their partners will be disappointed, feel unattractive, or blame themselves for the issue.
4. Lack of Awareness or Understanding: Some men might not fully understand the causes of ED, leading to confusion or a sense of helplessness. Lack of awareness about available treatments or misconceptions about the condition could also play a role.
5. Privacy and Personal Matters: Sexual health is often considered a private matter, and some individuals may feel uncomfortable discussing such personal issues, even with healthcare professionals.
6. Fear of Medical Implications: ED can sometimes be an early indicator of underlying health conditions, such as cardiovascular problems or diabetes. Men may avoid discussing ED out of fear that it could be linked to more serious health issues.
7. Coping Mechanisms: Men, like individuals facing any health challenge, may employ coping mechanisms such as denial or avoidance as a way to manage the emotional impact of ED.

I know that my experience may be unique only to me, but I think it’s worth asking yourself, “Is my ED pointing toward other health issues that I would rather pretend aren’t there?”

What do you have to lose? And, more significantly, what might you stand to gain?

I am encouraging you to be open with your doctor about your sexual health. Understand it as much as you can and gain the appropriate level of support. Shake the stigma surrounding ED and stand proudly as a man who had the strength to move forward with your life in the healthiest ways possible.