The Reluctant Man – Why Do We Avoid Taking Care of Ourselves?

I recently learned that only about 18% of men will immediately seek medical care when something doesn’t feel right. That leaves 82% of us who, for one reason or another, avoid taking care of our health. And I’m not just talking about our bodies, I mean our minds as well. Men actively avoid self-care, and for much of my life, I was guilty of that same negligence.

But why? In a world where, regardless of socioeconomic status or race, men live approximately six fewer years than women, why don’t we take the necessary steps to increase our life expectancy?

I can’t speak for all men, but I’ve identified some reasons why I stubbornly clung to self-diagnosis or simple avoidance:

1. Cultural Expectations of Masculinity
   • “Tough it out” mentality: Many of us are raised to be stoic, self-reliant, and resilient. Seeking help is sometimes viewed as weakness.
   • Fear of vulnerability: Opening up about health, especially emotional or sexual health—can feel like exposing our underbelly.
     We want to be strong and provide a sense of safety for those we love. Somehow, we’ve equated any kind of treatment or care with weakness. For the longest time, I believed my family couldn’t handle even the slightest sign of vulnerability from me. So, I avoided anything that might reveal it.
2. Lack of Routine Preventive Care
   • Only go when it’s serious: I used to wait until symptoms were severe before seeing a doctor, skipping preventive checkups. What could be worse than hearing something dismissive from a doctor? I’d rather deal with it—until it became a real problem.
   • Not having a trusted doctor: I’ve moved 24 times since I turned 18. I never stayed in one place long enough to build a relationship with a single doctor. Without a provider who knew me well, every appointment meant filling out that long intake form and starting from scratch.
3. Fear and Anxiety
   • Fear of diagnosis: For about six months, I experienced incredibly low energy. I had no idea what was causing it—and you’d think I’d want to find out. Nope. I just lived with it, hoping it would resolve on its own. I was afraid of what the doctor might find.
     Eventually, I made an appointment. Blood tests revealed I was anemic—and more importantly, the anemia pointed to deeper issues that, thanks to my doctor’s guidance, I was able to resolve.
   • Embarrassment: Topics like erectile dysfunction, prostate exams, or mental health can be hard to talk about. Most men will deal with the ED monster at some point. I did. I’m grateful for a doctor who didn’t just write a prescription but instead ran blood tests that uncovered a simple issue I could address directly.I know that restoring sexual health isn’t always that simple—but I believe there are treatment options that might be exactly what you need.
4. Practical Barriers
   • Time constraints: Long work hours and inflexible schedules make it tough to prioritize appointments. I didn’t want to get caught in a loop of endless follow-ups, so I figured no diagnosis meant no reason to go to the doctor. I know—that’s flawed logic.
   • Cost and insurance: Even with insurance, co-pays, deductibles, and fear of medical bills can be a real barrier. I’ve had stretches where my health coverage wasn’t great, and it was tempting to skip routine checkups and bloodwork.
5. Perceived Inefficiency or Distrust in the System
   • “Doctors don’t do anything”: Some men feel appointments lead to little more than “take a number and wait” or “here’s a pill.”
   • Distrust: Skepticism toward the healthcare system or pharmaceutical industry can drive avoidance.From my experience, more healthcare providers are embracing a holistic approach to wellness. If I could encourage you to do one thing, it would be to seek out those kinds of practitioners. They don’t rely on cookie-cutter solutions, they dig deeper, look for root causes, and work with you on personalized treatment plans.
6. Mental Health Stigma
   • Downplaying symptoms: Depression, anxiety, and stress often get minimized or brushed off.
   • Avoidance: Rather than face our emotions, we bury ourselves in work, distractions, or substances.
     One of the best decisions I ever made was engaging regularly with a therapist during some challenging emotional times. Sometimes, you just need the perspective and wisdom of someone trained to help. I have zero regrets. Thanks to good coaching and counsel, I believe I’ve become a better father, grandfather, and friend.

I’m not minimizing the reasons men avoid doctors—I understand them. But I also believe I have a responsibility to set an example for my family. I’ve got a plan to thrive for another 30 years, and I can’t think of a single reason that outweighs that mission.