The Cost of Avoidance: When Taking Care of Yourself Becomes a Family Matter

Let’s be honest, most of us men have worn the mask of strength at some point. We tough it out, we keep moving forward, and we bury anything that feels uncomfortable, inconvenient, or vulnerable. We believe our job is to protect and provide, and showing weakness doesn’t fit that picture.

But what if I told you that avoiding care, pushing through, staying silent, skipping appointments isn’t protecting your family at all?

I am grateful to be celebrating my 60^th birthday late this summer. I want to live well for another 30 plus years. While there are no guarantees, I am convinced that the best way to ensure that DOESN’T happen is to avoid taking care of myself today.

Here’s what’s really on the line when we don’t take care of ourselves:

1. A Shorter LifeThe stats don’t lie. Men, on average, live about six years less than women. And that gap isn’t just biological—it’s behavioral. Skipping routine checkups, ignoring symptoms, and delaying treatment catches up with us. And too often, it’s too late.

   You may think you’re invincible now, but the clock’s ticking. Heart disease, cancer, stroke, diabetes. These don’t announce themselves with fanfare. They whisper at first. If you’re not listening, you won’t hear them until they’re screaming.

2. The Retirement You Worked For, GoneYou spent decades grinding, saving, dreaming of the day you could take that road trip, go fly-fishing in Montana, or finally explore Italy.

   But now? Your knees hurt. Your heart isn’t strong enough for long walks. Your energy’s gone. Or worse, you’re stuck dealing with a serious diagnosis that could’ve been prevented or managed earlier.

   Retirement wasn’t meant to be lived from a recliner or a hospital bed. But if you’ve ignored your health for 30 years, you’re not going to magically feel great when you hit 65.

   I have architectural drawings for the construction of an A-Frame home in the Ozark Mountains of Missouri. That build won’t happen unless I’m healthy enough to carry on.

3. Sexual DysfunctionIt’s the topic nobody wants to talk about, but we need to. Erectile dysfunction affects most men at some point in life. And for some, it becomes chronic, not just a personal frustration, but a strain on your relationship.

   It’s not just about performance; it’s about connection, intimacy, and confidence. Ignoring the issue won’t make it go away. But addressing it? That can lead to a better understanding of your body, real solutions, and a better relationship with your partner.

4. Draining Your Retirement SavingsYou spent your life working, saving, investing, and planning for the future. But unchecked health issues can wipe that all out in a heartbeat. One late-stage cancer diagnosis. One heart surgery. One chronic condition you ignored too long.

   And the cost isn’t just yours. It’s your spouse’s future. It’s your kids’ inheritance. It’s the safety net your family thought they could count on, going to cover medical bills that could’ve been avoided with preventive care.

5. Your Strength Now Could Be Their Struggle LaterThis is the one that hits me hardest.

   A lot of us believe that staying silent about our pain, physical, mental, emotional, is the price of protecting our families. We tell ourselves we don’t have time to be sick. We can’t afford to slow down. We have to be the rock.

   But if that silence leads to your early death... if it leads to your family facing life without you... if it means the savings you left behind are barely enough to cover funeral costs, much less a stable life... then what did all that “strength” really accomplish?

   You didn’t protect them. You left them unprepared. And that’s a burden no man wants to leave behind.

Let’s Flip the Script on Strength

Real strength isn’t about avoiding care. It’s about taking responsibility—for yourself, and for the people who love you.

It’s saying:

• “I’ll get the checkup.”
• “I’ll talk to a therapist.”
• “I’ll ask about the symptoms I’ve been ignoring.”

It’s knowing that by showing a little vulnerability now, you give your family more years with you, more memories, more security, and more peace.

You’re not just doing it for you, you’re doing it for them.

So, make the appointment. Start the conversation. Get ahead of the problem.

Your family isn’t counting on you to be perfect. They’re counting on you to be present.